Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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