the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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