dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
