so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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