Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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