ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
