Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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