He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
