you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
it's great music for shaving your balls
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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