I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
