I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
This baby is an asshole
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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