you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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