I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
