Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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