she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
