No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
