I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
