I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
