What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
