His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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