yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
