Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
