we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
