He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
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i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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