Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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