Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
