There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
