If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
