They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I woke up under a house in Key West
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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