we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
