i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
