oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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