Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
