Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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