I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
