please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
