i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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