Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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