It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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