Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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