I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
