Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
