Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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