She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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