looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
