im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
So apparently I’m into choking now
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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