Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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