I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
