My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
