and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
