I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
