She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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