He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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