She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
