If i come over, it means nothing
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
