SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
