i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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