Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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