Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
