So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
