i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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