At least make sure they are 18
Why
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
