Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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