i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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