Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i think my cat just said my name.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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